By Hanaa Samaha
Just as words can heal, they can also wound. Have you ever replayed someone’s remarks for days, questioning your feelings, judgment, or even sanity? This is what’s called gaslighting language—a manipulative tactic designed to make you doubt your memory, ability, or perception.
Gaslighting is not the same as bullying. Bullying is overt and hostile, while gaslighting is subtle and insidious. It distorts reality and creates confusion, often leaving you unsure whether you did anything wrong. That’s why many people don’t even realize they’re being gaslighted—by a friend, a partner, a manager, or a colleague.
Gaslighting at work
At the workplace, gaslighting has become a tool for managers and colleagues to control others. It might sound like: “You’re a top student? Don’t you even know this?”, or “You newcomers can’t compare with the last batch” or “You’re too sensitive; you take everything personally.” Even comparison is used as a weapon: “Others could handle this easily—you’re just not committed enough.”
Over time, the repeated use of gaslighting language begins to eat away at a person’s sense of self. At first, it may seem like a one-off remark—an offhand comment or minor misunderstanding. But when these moments pile up—week after week, month after month—they begin to shape the way an employee sees themselves and their place at work. They start second-guessing not just their output, but their entire capacity to think, decide, or lead.
The most immediate casualty is self-confidence. Employees who once took initiative begin to hesitate. They stop voicing ideas in meetings, fearing they’ll be dismissed or contradicted. They withhold feedback, avoid taking risks, and stick only to tasks that feel “safe.” Slowly, the sense of ownership, creativity, and pride in their work begins to fade.
The effects aren’t just psychological—they’re also physical and emotional. Mental energy that should go into solving problems or innovating is instead spent overthinking conversations, replaying criticisms, or trying to decode someone’s tone. Over time, this leads to fatigue, burnout, and emotional exhaustion. The joy of contributing gets replaced by dread, anxiety, or numbness.
This erosion of trust—both in oneself and in the organisation—can be devastating. When employees feel they are constantly being undermined, not recognised, or unfairly compared to others, a sense of betrayal sets in. Morale drops. Engagement plummets. And in many cases, the only way out they see is to emotionally detach or physically leave.
In essence, gaslighting doesn’t just hurt individuals—it slowly poisons the culture of the entire workplace. It stifles collaboration, blocks honest communication, and drives away talent. And the saddest part? Often, it goes unnoticed by those in power until it’s too late—until innovation slows, teams fall apart, or reputations begin to suffer.
Coping strategies
First, it’s important to name the behaviour for what it is—gaslighting. Simply recognising it as a tactic meant to create doubt can already help you preserve your confidence and keep your sense of self intact. Labelling it empowers you to separate your worth from the manipulative words used against you.
When confronted, don’t escalate. Instead, respond with calm confidence. A composed smile or quiet remark that says “I see what’s happening here” can be more disarming than heated rebuttals. It signals that you are aware, in control, and unwilling to be dragged into confusion.
Avoid getting trapped in endless arguments. Gaslighters often rely on circular reasoning to wear you down. Stand firm in your understanding without over-explaining yourself. Trust your version of events, and know that you don’t need to justify every decision or feeling if it comes from a place of honesty.
If the emotional toll starts to affect your well-being, reach out. Talk to a trusted colleague, a supportive supervisor, or seek professional help. You don’t have to navigate this experience alone—and sometimes just speaking to someone who validates your perspective can make a world of difference.
And finally, if the workplace continues to be toxic despite your efforts, it may be time to walk away. Choosing to leave a harmful environment is not a sign of weakness—it’s a step towards healing and growth. There are better, healthier places out there where your ideas will be welcomed and your presence truly valued.
The power of words
Words can build, or they can destroy. People are like plants: nourished by kindness, they bloom; fed with toxic language, they wither.
That’s why we must be mindful of how we speak and listen. A careless remark can inflict lasting damage. But a single encouraging word, spoken with care, can spark confidence, healing, and even transformation.
Dr Hanaa Samaha is a Lecturer at the Department of English Language, Faculty of Languages and Linguistics, Universiti Malaya. She may be reached at hanasamaha1@um.edu.my